THYROID POETRY (THYROETRY)

It was a pink, pretty butterfly

Then a poisonous pill called RAI made you die

Or are you?...Really dead?

Did you transform into something else instead

Perhaps you are a vampire bat

Sucking my energy, making me fat

I WANT THIS VAMPIRE BAT REMOVED

I don’t want it anymore

Maybe I’ll call on Ozzy Osbourne

Till then, on October 31st be afraid of what you can’t see

Cuz lurking in the shadows just might be the scary, horrifying

CRAZY THYROID LADY



HAPPY HALLOWEEN MY PRETTIES...MUWAHHHHHH!

I CAN HANDLE DA TRUTH!

Oh my goodness, I am in shock right now, just left my endocrinologist’s office. I had to race to my car and compose my blog RIGHT NOW!

I know I know I promised funny MD stories. However, right now I have just one MD story worth telling!

Let me preface by giving you an account of the relationship I have/had with my endocrinologist:

1. First date
2. Swept me off my feet with hope for a bright future
3. Marriage
4. Separation
5. Divorce
6. Argument
7. Settlement
8. Reconciliation

Reconciliation came after our tumultuous patient/MD relationship spanning almost five years.

This is truly a joyous occasion because when I divorced her, I am sure she stayed up many nights thinking about “that one patient who got away”. I showed her didn’t I?!!!!

But then, out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to give her one more chance. It’s just not good to hold grudges…Plus, ummm… I’m kind of cheap and the “rebound” MD did not bill insurance companies. His patients had to pay out of pocket…PLUS he was an hour away from my house.


I originally divorced my doc because she and I differed on my thyroid treatment plan.

On today’s visit, I told her what I needed and an argument ensued. It wasn’t Muhammad Ali vs. Joe Frazier, but, our voices resonated I’m sure. She finally agreed to do things my way (which is not all that medically unconventional …trust me!) Arrogance, rigidity and lawsuits get in the way of doing what’s best for the individual patient sometimes.

Anyway, THAT’S NOT THE EXCITING PART OF THIS STORY!!!

I finally heard these words from my MD:

“Look Carol, the only thing I am doing is treating your hypothyroidism. You are now hypothyroid because the radiation procedure I recommended you having years ago was given to in essence ‘kill’ your thyroid. I cannot not treat your autoimmune disease, because we currently do not have a cure. She went onto say, “For whatever reason, your body has a hard time adjusting to thyroid hormone replacement medications.”

These are the words I’ve wanted to hear since day one, for as she spoke those words to me all I heard was: I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING, BUT I AM TRYING! This is all I’ve ever wanted to hear...Doc! Now, she and I can work collaboratively, feeling our way through the dark towards a common goal. Instead of me getting frustrated with her, thinking she is supposed to give me all the answers…she doesn’t know, she is after all…”practicing” medicine.


I feel so empowered now, akin to when I was a little girl and realized teachers were regular human beings; not some sort of deity. Professionals put one pant leg on at a time; they also have bad days, don’t have all the answers and on occasion are wrong.

Please pray that our wedded reunion will remain blissful. Besides, I can’t afford the other doctor. Who knows, with the extra money I’m saving maybe I can launch my clothing line for the “Chronically Ill.”





Next Week – No promises, because there is no tellin’ what the Crazy Thyroid Lady will get herself into!

I WONDER IF DOROTHY COULD HAVE WEATHERED THIS STORM?

I interrupt this program to give you UGH…Auntie Em’ Auntie ‘Em. I don’t think I feel well anymore. A storm is a brewin’

I was all set to give you some of my funny MD office visit stories but a thyroid storm rolled through. Not a biggie just a tiny one. Not an ER-visit one…THANK GOD! I’ve already had two of those this year…one visit in particular, turned from an innocent trip to the “doc in the box” (Immediate Care) to the doc not liking my heart rhythm so she had an ambulance come take me to the hospital. HOW EMBARRASSING!!

What made the experience even worse is that the MD was foreign and when she called 911, dispatch thought she said 4-year old in cardiac arrest – instead of 40-year old. About eight big, burly paramedics and firemen came running in only to be disappointed…it was just little ole me. Boy, they were pissed! Then as they wheeled me out on the stretcher it took all I had NOT to be the jokester that I am (cuz after all I am crazy) and give all gawkers the “two thumbs up” signal. I had plenty of rubber neckers too because the location of this Immediate Care was situated right next to a Dairy Queen on a bright, hot, sunny, Friday evening.

Sigh, the life of a thyroid sufferer. It’s not boring that’s for sure!

One minute. You feel good, possibly…if you are lucky… even great and then the next day …BAM This sick feeling can come over you which could last anywhere from one day to three months. Stress IS THE MAIN CULPRIT for me and I am not talkin stub my pinkie toe stress either.

For those who don’t know the feeling, but have a loved one going through this… A Thyroid Storm usually includes:



Rapid Heart Rate - No, The thyroid sufferer doesn’t hate you. A racing heart makes him or her very irritable.

Nausea and Vomiting – No, the thyroid sufferer does not have an eating disorder (although their weight may fluctuate drastically at times) – he or she is just sick!

Tremors – No, the thyroid sufferer is not a drunk. He or she is shaking because of the abnormal thyroid hormone levels.

Extreme Fatigue – No, the thyroid sufferer is not lazy. He or she spent all their energy getting up, getting dressed and going to work. That is about all that is left in the tank!

Other symptoms can include: irregular heart rate, diarrhea, weakness, confusion/disorientation, fever and dehydration. Storms can be deadly, so take care!

This is about all I can write. Hopefully I will be back to my normal next week. Love you my brothers and sisters! We are in a Thyroid DYSFUNCTIONal family but I still love ya!


Until next week…I need to do what I do best in this condition….zzzzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZZZZZZZ!

KILL BUZZ!

Growing up in the U.S., getting a primary education means many many years of math, science and language arts. For me, math and science were icky. Language arts was my fav – a wonderful mix of literature and linguistics. As an adult (an adult with thyroid disease, therefore my memory is on the fritz), but I’m pretty sure understanding and knowing corporate buzz terms was not a part of the curriculum. And where, after all, do educators expect one to go after an education – THE CORPORATE WORLD!

We are not equipped people!

This is why I am hoping to get a law passed, banning banal Buzz terms and aimless Acronyms for us thyroid sufferers!

Just a little thyroid 101 (according to the crazy thyroid lady) – The brain and the thyroid are close co-workers……if the thyroid goes wonky, so does the brain. We cannot be expected to know and remember these terms!




We want you to KISS us…this is the only acronym that should be allowed…Keep It Simple...eh, stud... er sexy…shoot, I can’t remember…see what I mean?! OK, never mind...BAN THEM ALL!!!

I say, if this terminology and their meanings weren’t drummed into us growing up, then we should not be expected to know them ALL OF A SUDDEN as adults.


For example, I was in a board meeting with the CEO and others. We were reviewing an agenda she was going to send out to our business partners. I asked her what a particular word meant on the agenda. She said it meant”blah, blah.” “Blah Blah” was like the easiest word ever! Everyone knew “blah, blah”…It was as common as the word THE! Did she want to sound smarter? I don’t get it! So the whoooooollllllllleeeee entire time, I can’t concentrate on the rest of the meeting. I am not listening to a word anyone else is saying… because I am trying to figure out why she chose NOT to use the word blah, blah!

This is the reason I need an extra week of Paid Time Off.

Are you like me? Do you hate these terms – Ballpark, core values, end of the day, win-win, value-added….Seriously…UGH? It just leaves my brain in knots, picturing me and my co-workers playing baseball after work. After nine innings, we are victorious and win a valuable trophy. With these kinds of funny pictures in one’s head, why on earth would you want to like…pay attention to the CEO?

Sigh, unfortunately I am just not on the same page because I am too busy thinking outside the box.

Next week’s blog - asinine conversations I’ve had with doctors about my thyroid disease.

Clothing Line For the Chronically Ill...How 'Bout It?

Quite frankly, on occasion, the thyroid sufferer feels like they’ve been hit by a Mack Truck!

For me, when I am feeling like “road kill” being a fashionista is the last thing on my mind. Getting dressed for work in the morning, I am thinking comfort…and in the fashion world…comfy clothing usually means ugly.

A thyroid disease is an invisible illness that few people know how fatigued you are, or how bad your joints ache. They only see you are dressed like a hot mess (don’t want to generalize, this is my situation…If you feel like crap but are in vogue…go ahead with your bad self, and tell me your secret.)

I would love to look HOT and stylish, BUT, more importantly, I want comfort! Therefore, I am reaching out (pleading) to Calvin, Prada, Chanel, Yves or Tommy… Please give us something comfortable that looks good!

This is what I want:

Clothes

New York’s fashion week occurred several weeks ago, I did not see any outfits for the chronically sick. Ummm…Hello…there are only a gazillion of us in the world! I saw tight-tailored outfits …no loose fitting stuff. I need loose fitting to cater to my crazy weight fluctuations. I need clothing that breathes no spandex please. Hmmm…let me think of an example… You know the outfit you receive when you go to the hospital, like say …before surgery?? What’s it called…oh yeah, a surgical gown. That’s what I want! I want this new clothing line to be called Pre-Op or Post-Op - I’m not picky, whatever rolls off society’s tongue. Would love to see different sizes, shapes, colors, and fabrics...except for maybe burlap, looking like a serf from the dark ages would not be attractive. Oh and don’t worry about not wanting anyone to see your hiney…the Pre-Op “everyday clothing line” will have you covered!








Shoes

My television addiction is The Real Housewives reality shows. Beverly Hills, OC, New Jersey, etc., and I see these women (especially the California gals) walking in Jimmy Choo or Gucci stiletto’s. I give these ladies the same bug-eyed glare and amazement; I would give to circus clowns. I mean stilts are stilts right?? They equally get my admiration! Thyroid gals or guys…I am not discriminating or judging - typically cannot wear this piece of equipment. However, if you are, again, let me know how you are pulling it off. Cuz if I placed those suckers on my feet, I would be in the ER within minutes having them surgically removed. Too much or too little thyroid hormone for me equates to my feet looking like Fred Flintstone by the end of a work day. This thyroid suffering gal‘s choice of footwear must make me feel like I am walking on clouds…not 20 inches above them. Again, it’s all about comfort, which is why you will usually catch me in my slippers. That’s right, when my feet have become Flintstoned; I can be seen wearing slippers at the grocery store, work, heck… anywhere!








Ahhhh…just imagine a clothing line called “Pre-Op”…Here is the commercial tagline:

Long hard day at the office? Just want to go home and relax or go to bed, but you are too tired to get undressed? Now, with the new Pre-Op line, you don’t have to…just climb into bed with whatever you were wearing that day!


Next week’s blog – Corporate BUZZ words – I am convinced they are used to torture thyroid sufferers!