EXERCISE!

EXERCISE! This word is not foreign to the thyroid sufferer I’m sure, especially for those on the Hypo-side.

“Just exercise” That’s¬all we need to do right? Well, the Crazy Thyroid Lady says that is what you need to do-Exercise!

Exercise your brain that is…cognitive calisthenics is what us thyroidians need because our brains can be affected by thyroid disorders…Why? I have absolutely no idea…and I am convinced my Endo doesn’t know either because when I ask her, “Why my cognitive abilities have diminished since obtaining a thyroid disease?” She does some tricky word-wrangling to make me forget what I was even asking her about. Similar to when my son, at eight-years old asked me what erectile dysfunction meant…darn television commercials.

I am really no match for my Endo and she knows it. It’s just not a fair fight, I am tired of her kicking sand in my face! And so, since I can’t get a clear explanation from my Endo, I’ve decided to do my own research. Then, maybe, if I can get my brain working right again, I can show my Endo a thing or two.

After researching, here’s what I came up with–Why the brain goes wonky, in the only way the Crazy Thyroid Lady can explain.

The thyroid has many jobs, but the main ones are WIFE and MOTHER

WIFE –The wife (the thyroid) is to send the right messages to the husband (who is the brain…ugh it is so difficult for me to say that, but this is for illustration purposes only). If the husband and wife are NOT communicating back and forth properly, there will be a breakdown in the relationship. – The thyroid and brain communicate with one another.

MOTHER-It is a mother’s (thyroid) job to teach and to pass on to the child (who is the brain in this example, and let me tell you my little man is definitely the brains in our household) good manners, discipline, morals, values and love. If your child doesn’t receive a good upbringing they will have trouble functioning. – The thyroid’s job is to send nutrients to the brain.

So there you have it…Now…ALL RIGHT YOU MAGGOTS!! DROP AND GIVE ME 10
This is your challenge for the week, try to do ten mental muscle repetitions for example, 10 crosswords, Sudoku, brain teasers or try to read something complicated, something out of your comfort zone.

PLUS – Try to incorporate 10 servings or more of fruits and veggies a day

Do I do any of this?...NO, but I’m gonna start. I have to face my nemesis three months from now (my next Endo’s appt) better equipped to go the distance with her…da da dum, da da dum d’da d’da da da da dum da dum (Rocky music)

Blood Work - Mission Impossible

Have you ever noticed when getting blood drawn at a lab or a doctor’s office, the entire process is like a Tom Cruise/Mission Impossible-type event? What is the reason for the serious stealth?

Here is how it goes…

Already knowing what lies ahead, timidly you arrive. They usher you into a room, where you must rest into a deceitful seat reminiscent of an amusement park ride. Next, the bloodletting bandit, with an interrogative tone, confirms your date of birth and name, which you must spell out for them.

Then, they are all like, “Put your eyes in this retinal scanner”… Just kidding--I always wanted to use a retinal scanner; they really should use a retinal scanner…WHY AREN’T THEY USING RETINAL SCANNERS!!

Anyway, the “technician” sticks the long, sharp blade in your arm expelling those pumping platelets keeping you alive.

Afterwards, they place your precious life force in those cheap fifty cent vials. The number of vials needed depends on the amount of codes marked by the doctor on that top secret, cryptic, lab request form.

Meanwhile, CIA operatives in Langley, Virginia are the recipients of your blood and the clandestine lab order with those codes. These codes can only be deciphered after many years of operative training. They must know ICD-9 codes, diagnosis codes, CPT codes, Morse code and all the Xbox 360 cheat codes. At least this is what I believe, because when I view my own lab order, I haven’t a clue-- am I being tested for my thyroid disorder or to somehow help me with Call of Duty?

The key part of this whole covert operation is when it’s over; you are then given a band-aid, which contains a fluid that seeps subcutaneously causing the reluctant donor to become passive. This passive state is needed for a very important purpose. Why? Because the reason you went to get blood drawn in the first place was because, you were experiencing the following:

Chronic fatigue, migraines, moodiness, anxiety, depression, excessive weight gain, hair loss, blurred vision, joint pain and brain fog…UGH!! This is no way to live!

But, when you call for your results a nurse comes on and says, “Oh yes, let me get your chart,” she comes back on the phone and states quickly, without hesitation …”Everything is normal.” At that moment the passive poison kicks in and you say simply, “OK”…Click, you both hang up.

It is your chronic suffering that brought you to the doctor in the first place. They take your blood, from your arm, it is your results, so for the life of me, I can’t understand the secrecy. Unknown answers filed away in your elusive “chart.” And what about that nurse who gave you your normal blood results, then dismisses you like an insubordinate employee. “Ummm, what about my current symptoms, did you think I was making it up.” It does not seem to matter to them though…as long as “Mission Is Accomplished!”

Dawn of a Different Dead





Resident Evil, 28 Days later, The Crazies…these were considered “fiction” movies. But, I know the real story. You see, my friends… zombies are real and they are all around us. They drive, shop, work and operate heavy machinery. They are your everyday average thyroid sufferers.


Real- life zombies 101 – Unlike most zombie movies there are two different types of these horrific creatures – Treated and Untreated.


Medically Treated – These zombies appear when they forget to take their medicine, have extremely high stress levels or heck… with thyroid disease you seriously don’t know when this creature will emerge. Doctors don’t know either. For me, I have honed in on my inner zombie, I call her Zenith and she comes out when it is that time of the month, the aftermath of stress, a drastic diet change or an infection. You can talk to Zenith but she may travel far off into some other time zone, without even moving a muscle. Zenith drives to work but she can’t remember how she got there. Zenith is thinking, “Good morning,” but she may not verbalize it, she may grunt at you instead. Coffee, Red Bull or 5-Hour Energy do not work for Zenith. Zenith just wants to eat flesh (dinner) and go to bed.


Medically Un-treated (Doctors can’t figure out what the heck is wrong with you, despite your pleas for help) – These zombies are scary and resemble what is depicted in the movies. I would stay away from these zombies -between MD’s telling them they are crazy and the daily horrors of thyroid disease they are liable to bite your head off. When I went approximately ten years untreated my inner zombie was the nastiest creature east of the Mississippi. She would snarl, bark and bite. She had bruises all over her body because she ran into walls a lot from clumsiness and poor eyesight. You could find her wandering around in the Wal-Mart parking lot for long periods of time trying to figure out what kind of car she drove there.

Unfortunately, both types walk among us. Zombies are..er...um people too, so give them love and don’t take it personally when they may look through you instead of at you.

ZENITH’S TOP 5 ZOMBIE –LIKE MOMENTS (Treated or untreated)

5. Walking around the grocery store for about an hour not realizing why I came there in the first place.

4. Going with my husband (of nearly 20 years) to a family get together and not remembering half of the names of the people there. I was in my 30’s at the time. (My MD thought it was a good idea to take me off my thyroid medication for six weeks.)

3. Going through an entire week and not being able to recollect what I did during the week. Where I drove, who I talked to, what I did at work, what I cooked for dinner, conversations…etc., This is a serious situation and was pre-diagnosis (THANK GOD!)

2. Sitting at my desk at work for 8 hours…yes that’s right 8 hours doing pretty much nothing but stare at the cubicle, then the computer, then back to the cubicle.


AND THE NUMBER ONE ZOMBIE LIKE MOMENT…DRUM ROLL PLEASE…

1. I signed my son’s permission slip that it was OK for him to keep the classroom “pet rat” after his class was done with their little experiment. So yes, he brought a RAT home because his mommy said it was OK.




What eludes me is how so many MD’s do not understand how a thyroid disorder can wreak this much havoc. The thyroid is bosom buddies with the pituitary gland (in the brain). They are close co-workers. Sooooo doesn’t it make sense one would have mental issues associated with thyroid disease???


Please leave a comment and tell me your number ONE zombie moment…hopefully docs will read this!


Next week’s blog – Hypochondria….hahahahaha, if you are a thyroid disease sufferer, reading that word just ticked you off…hahahahaha…calm down