Hypothhyroidism: Overcoming the Odds by Sarah Downing,
Ever since I was diagnosed in 2009, I’ve written countless blogs about hypothyroidism. Reading through some of them today, I realize how much I have changed since my diagnosis. Carol, a.k.a. HealthyThyroidLady™, told me she likes to feature blogs about overcoming a part of our disease. Hypothyroidism has taken me on a veritable rollercoaster ride, and whilst I can’t claim that I have come out unscathed, what I can tell you is that what I once regarded as a curse has been something that I have been able to turn around and regard as a blessing because it is has helped me to find my life’s vocation. I am sharing this story with you in hopes that you will identify with my highs and lows on the path of life and gather hope that you too can get your life back.
Thyroid disease will set you on a journey of transformation that you neither asked for nor wanted. It will brutally turn your life on its head, force you to come face to face with who you truly are (and you may not like at all what you find!) and push you to your very limits. There will be times when you no longer want to live another day if it is to be filled with such miserable fatigue and pain, but carry on because there may well come a time when as that laborious little caterpillar the pupa of your life finally breaks open to reveal a resplendent butterfly. Your destination may not be the one you originally intended or expected, but you will have arrived and will have undoubtedly grown in the process … and will also continue to grow as long as you remain open to it.
And so it was for me when I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism back in 2009. Few people rejoice at being diagnosed with a chronic illness, but for me it was a case of finally getting an answer to the bone-crushing fatigue and humiliating weight gain that had plagued me since my early to mid-20s. Looking back, I would say that hypothyroidism stole my 20s from me because, unlike others of my age, instead of prancing around in swim suits every summer and feeling sexy and alive, I was struggling to get out of bed, let alone keep up with my demanding career as a freelance translator, which I honestly believe was one of the fires that fueled this illness. That and the stress of being severely bullied as a child, life in a country where I never truly felt at home and various family deaths all in one year – stressors to which so many people are susceptible today, and which can subsequently launch you into an out of control spiral of ill health.
Few of my customers knew what was going on with me, and I didn’t have the luxury of giving up my job because I needed the money to support myself as a single young expat who was at the time living in Germany. My diagnosis also included a bonus diagnosis of Epstein-Barr, and as my treatment progressed it was literally as if a veil had been lifted from me and I was once again able to see and feel clearly. Looking at me now, I suspect many people would have a hard time believing how sick I really was. In fact, I have a hard time believing it myself, had I not lived it
This “deadly combo” made my symptoms so severe that I had problems even lifting my fork to my mouth to eat without feeling fatigued. Just going to the fridge seemed a huge effort and so I really didn’t feel like eating, but ironically still continued to gain weight (and at the time was overweight – how unfair!). In addition, I was too tired to sit at my desk (and to think that years before my ex-boyfriend’s mother had described me as “hyperactive”) and struggled to do my work from my laptop in bed. My joints suffered as a result, but I forced myself to continue. Another symptom was my inability to read properly. As a writer, since childhood I have loved to read, so you can imagine how sad I was when that was stolen from me too. I struggled to take in the words of each book, only to be forced to read each paragraph time and again because I simply wasn’t absorbing anything. Looking back, I also remember suffering from frequent candida, which I no longer seem to have an issue with these days (back then I was also on the pill, but note that this is also another symptom of hypothyroidism). In the beginning, I slept for hours a day and had a huge problem getting up in the morning, which is probably why I had initially suspected I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, as my symptoms were worse in winter. But that, dear reader, is another symptom common in hypothyroidism – many sufferers actually need extra thyroid hormone in the chilly season and are more susceptible to SAD.
As my treatment progressed, I graduated from working in bed to working on the couch to working at my desk again. It may seem like minor changes, but to someone with chronic illness this is huge because after a while you honestly feel like you have become chained to your bed, and are so afraid that you will never properly experience the outside world again, at least not without the fear of being exhausted every time you go out.
Once you’ve been that sick, you will never again take for granted the ability to be able to get up early and make the most of your day – with thyroid disease, I felt like I was living a half-life because a disproportionate amount of my time was spent sleeping! I started out unfit and overweight, and ironically I am now embarking on a career path that involves a huge amount of physical activity and fitness in the pursuit of healing others. How the tables have turned! Various people on Facebook specifically asked me which doctor I saw, and in all honesty I have to admit that it wasn’t a single doctor or pill, but rather a combination of factors that helped me regain my health.
On diagnosis, I truly believed that I could swallow one little pill, lose all the weight I had gained, be a US Size 6 again and get my life back within a few months. Of course, there is no miracle pill, but along the way I also learned that healing your thyroid is about so much more than just healing your physical ailments. Sadly, I must admit that the majority of doctors I have seen were actually more hindrance than help because they arrogantly refused to listen and many of them were upsetting and rude. This in turn made me appreciate the good doctors even more … the German doctor who was open to prescribing Natural Desiccated Thyroid when I asked for it, even though he failed me in other ways (teaching me that few doctors are truly perfect and causing me to ultimately switch to a doctor that better fit my needs!)
Having done countless hours of research, I had discovered that so many patients feel better on NDT, making me want to try it for myself after the doctor who diagnosed me would only prescribe T4, leaving me tired and in need of an afternoon nap. I switched to a doctor who would prescribe it, did my research and figured out how to procure it in Germany, although it is by no means the standard treatment over there. This taught me the importance of being proactive and being willing to change doctors if your current doctor is no longer helping you.
Then there was the doctor who helped me put together further pieces of my puzzle and solve the mystery of my stomach pain and bloating … diagnosing me with food intolerances (gluten, dairy and egg, among others!), which I had suspected all along even though my last doctor poo-pooed this, teaching me how vital it is to remember that you know your body best and, if you suspect something is wrong, you should fight for treatment because you are most probably right. This was how my previous doctor had failed me and why I had seen the need to switch. Ultimately, cutting out these allergens has helped me heal my gut, as well as cultivate a much healthier diet.
Then there was the doctor who quite frankly was a complete and utter bastard, screaming at me loudly so his whole waiting room could hear, that I was “Fat! Fat! Fat!” and bringing me to tears of anger and humiliation. I later came to realize that this gynecologist suffered from an eating disorder as he had extremely unrealistic ideas about his own physique, which he tended to project on others. Of course, when you are sick and vulnerable, you don’t always recognize that right away. But that, as humiliating, frustrating and painful as it was, taught me some valuable lessons too: to not put up with crap from people who are communicating with you in such a cruel manner and to recognize when the problem lies with them rather than you. I’m no longer angry because ironically I look back and I also remember how he was the one doctor who solved my problems of years of painful sex by recognizing that I needed a simple operation. So perhaps every cloud really does have a silver lining.
There was also the chiropractor whom I saw for my chronic pain. Despite pressuring us to see him several times a week, I didn’t feel I was improving, but the plus side of all this was that it was through him that I first found a personal trainer whom I really clicked with. Having been scarred by years of my well-meaning parents and certain blunt Germans telling me how fat I was (I was a US Size 14 at the time), I supposed Dani would assume the same thing, but for the first time in forever somebody made me feel normal about myself. Under her tutelage, I became strong and fit again. I gradually built up my abs, which really helped to balance out my blood sugars, which I believe had initially become elevated due to my untreated thyroid disease. She taught me exercises and stretches and the importance of physical fitness.
Once we moved to the US, I initially ended up seeing a nutritionist because I struggled to find an integrative practitioner who took my insurance in the NYC area (which is where I was living at the time). The wonderful Inna Topiler taught me so much about supplements, but she also taught me how important it is to take a look at the whole picture – nutritional deficiencies, adrenals, sex hormones, the mind-body connection. I also remember her telling me that I have good energy and that I should do energy work, something I had also been told by various other healers.
Shortly before we left the NYC area to move to Pennsylvania, I did past life regression with the lovely Michelle Brock. It had been something I had been curious about for years, and I felt the distinct need to do it at that time. Many past lives as a healer came up and before she met me, she had a vision about me with a mortar and pestle such as that of a herbalist. She too advised me to embark on the healing path. It was as if all signs were pointing in that direction. And whilst I realize that not everybody might believe in this, I am telling it as it is. I had always known I was sensitive to other people’s emotions and had an innate ability to know how to respond to people to make them feel better and heal emotionally, butt it wasn’t until I got sick myself and struggled to find practitioners to truly care and help me get well that this ignited my desire to follow that path.
I believe that Inna and Michelle, among others, were both rather instrumental to my desire to want to embark on a path of healing – not just myself, but also others. Throughout my thyroid journey, one thing that had also helped me had been to blog about my experiences, share my research, write about my pastas a way of purging it and letting others know they were not alone. I started out by writing the weekly column Flying With Broken Wings for the beautiful website Dear Thyroid. For years, I wanted to blog about something – anything – but I hadn’t deemed any of my thoughts worthy of sharing. Chronic illness finally gave me something to write about, but I tried to give it a positive and proactive twist, encouragingothers to fly even though their butterflies’ wings were broken. I have since launched my own website Butterflies and Phoenixes, and through that I met the beautiful ladies of the nonprofit ThyroidChange where I am now active as Blog Editor and PR and Outreach Representative. This whole online experience has taught me so much about blogging, marketing and social media – skills I would have never acquired without thyroid disease. In the process, I am in awe of the strength, perseverance and humility of the many thyroid sufferers I have met on this powerful journey.
In December of 2013, I made a decision that would change my life. For so long I had put off a proposed career change for fear of the unknown. Inna had inspired me that perhaps naturopathy might be my calling, but I was concerned about having to take a course online because none of the big naturopathy universities were nearby and they were also very costly. In addition, I didn’t really fancy the commitmentof going back to school for another four years! I had been fairly happy to leave school behind me in my early 20s when I graduated with a BA in French and German and went on to become a translator and writer.
But sometimes all it takes is a single experience to piss us off enough that it pushes us over the edge! I’d like to thank my horrible ex customer NQ for doing just that. Not only did she ruin my Christmas Day, shealso unknowingly pushed me to take that vital leap and sign up for a course in massage therapy in searchof a balance to my demanding translation career. I had always enjoyed massaging people, am very intuitive and very tactile. What’s more, there was a renowned massage school within driving distance of our house, so it seemed as if it was meant to be. My lesson from that was that you shoulddn’t be afraid tomake a change if you honestly believe that it will make you happier. It takes guts, but what you will find is that things will often fall into place if they are meant to be. Caution, though, your journey may not be easy.
My journey at massage school has been tough at times. I’ll freely admit that learning routines is not my forte and that some teachers can be hurtfully (albeit unintentionally) blunt about this, but once you get past that, you can let your intuition unfurl and you may well find that you magically know where to put your hands to relieve someone’s pain. To come back to my comment about energy, it may also interest you to know that last year I became a certified Reiki Master Teacher. It has been my experience that Reikihelps you to calm and ground yourself and it’s also a wonderful add-on to any massage when you can heat up your hands “with your mind” for more soothing and pain-relieving strokes.
Massage school has really helped me to further develop my intuition, practice grounding myself and my courses in Thai massage (“assisted yoga”) even inspired me to take a course in yoga for the first time ever, which I totally loved and probably wouldn’t have considered previously. It’s a wonderful thing beingin a room of healers, most of whom intuitively “get” where you are coming from without you really having to explain it. I’ve met some very kind-hearted and gifted people in my courses. I’ve also been blessed to have some amazing teachers put in my path – whether teachers at school who sought to nurture my true potential and saw the real me or fellow massage therapists I have met randomly and who have invited me to partake in massage exchanges, where I have not only learned a lot, but also enjoyed getting a massage when I really needed one after working so much on other people. This has taught me the importance of allowing yourself to be healed as a healer. So essentially I feel that the best healers are put in the role of both healer and patient. I sometimes wonder if I was somehow destined to be sick in this life in order to experience both sides of the same coin.
To summarize, I’d like to say that I do believe everything happens for a reason, so whilst I felt cheated of my 20s and much of my 30s, I also felt that in the end I had gained more than enough to make up for it. So many things have enabled me personally to thrive, but you have to be open to them and you also need to be proactive. I have learned to surround myself with positive people and environments. Compared to the NJ/NYC area, which personally drained me with its chaotic energy, my move to PA made me feel as if I had finally come home as I now live in an area with artistic, kind-hearted and open-minded people. I am now less tolerant of the people who drain my energy and seek to drag me down. I am less afraid to avoid them or cut them out of my life. Every friendship goes through ups and downs, but essentially there needs to be mutual support and love between two friends.
I now cultivate whole body healing. I personally avoid synthetic medications wherever possible and will always favor natural alternatives and a healthy diet that works for me personally (gluten-free, low-dairy, non-GMO, organic wherever possible), although I recognize that there are times when pharmaceuticals may be needed. That said, due to the adrenal fatigue I experienced, I now realize what a huge role your mental and emotional wellbeing play in your overall wellbeing. Allowing yourself to wind down through exercise, walks in nature, deep breathing, massage, or whatever works for you are vital practices for maintaining your health.
In the end, it’s all about putting together the pieces of your own personal wellness puzzle. It will take research, perseverance and most probably the assistance of others, but don’t give up because you owe itto yourself to find out how truly beautiful things can become once you stop merely subsisting and start truly living!
More about Sarah: In 2009, Sarah was diagnosed with hypothyroidism which changed her life for the better as it finally gave her answers for her bone-crushing fatigue and progressive weight gain, and taught her a lot along the way. A passionate writer, poet and translator, Sarah decided to use her gift to help others by blogging and researching to raise awareness, initially for Dear Thyroid and then for her own blog Butterflies and Phoenixes alongside acting as Blog Editor for ThyroidChange. Sarah believes in taking a proactive approach to illness and turning negatives into positives. Her journey has led her to study massage therapy in order to help others because she believes that “wounded healers” provide the empathy that many people need. Sarah’s experience in living in England, Germany and the US also enables her to identify with the varying situations of international patients.
